The other night while scoping out the top 100 free downloadable ebooks for my Kindle I came across the book “Love is a Verb” by Gary Chapman. This is the same gentleman who wrote “The 5 Love Languages“, which helps you to understand the way in which you express your feelings of love for another. Or it will help you to understand and recognize the ways in which your loved ones express their feelings for you. Since Valentine’s Day is only a week away I thought that I might steal the title of his book and take my place on my soap box, if you don’t mind. lol
A week from today is February 14th. Besides the fact that it’s two days after Abraham Lincoln’s birthday, and my hire date, it’s also Valentine’s Day. A lot of people refuse to celebrate it because it’s a commercial holiday that was really built up by the greeting card companies, or so I’ve been told by a previous boyfriend. Is it a commercial holiday? Sure, but nowadays what holiday isn’t? Okay, maybe Flag Day has managed to escape the commercialization so far. lol
Many people use Valentine’s Day as a measuring device. How much does he/she love me? Do they feel that I’m worth a certain dollar amount? If they don’t buy me anything does that mean that they don’t value me? If he shows me every day of the year that he loves me, but I don’t get anything for Valentine’s Day, is it a deal breaker?
As a couple you need to come to an understanding about how you are going to celebrate so that it doesn’t cause any issues. Will you exchange gifts? Will you ignore it and treat it as any other day? Will it be an excuse to shower your sweetie with something special? Once you have figured that out then you should have a nice Valentine’s Day. But what about the rest of the year?
Like the title of this post states, love is a verb. When you talk about loving somebody it’s often said that you show a person how much you love them. Each person approaches this in a different way. I like to show my love by doing things for Jay, like baking him cookies. Another person, though, might think that the best way to show their love is just by spending time with that person. Again, to learn your love languages please check out Gary Chapman’s site that I linked above. He has a quiz there that you can take in order to learn what your love languages are.
The thing that irritates me the most about couples nowadays is that they don’t spend much time communicating or getting to really know each other. When you’re out at a restaurant often one or both of them are texting with somebody else. They walk along with a phone in one hand and maybe their love’s hand in the other. Or, they sit in the car at their spouse’s fly in. Think about it. If you love an activity a lot you want the person whom you love the most to enjoy it with you. Even if they don’t enjoy it, to at least take an interest in it. I love to cross stitch, but I realize that’s not something that everybody can enjoy. If I’m working on a piece, though, it makes me happy to have Jay ask to see the progress that I’m making on it. He may not want to actually stitch, but he’s taking an active interest in it. Or, he knows that I love to read so he bought me a Kindle for Christmas. He will ask me if I’ve downloaded any new books, or he will ask me if I’ve read any on the Kindle recently.
Quality time is another thing that couples are missing today. We are so bombarded by technology and all of the things that are taking up our time. We say that we are so busy and we don’t have time for this or that, but yet we find time to watch three hours of TV every night. Or there seems to be plenty of time to spend online watching videos on YouTube. It really doesn’t take that much of an effort to spend quality time together. I hate to keep using me and Jay as an example, for we really aren’t a perfect couple, but Jay enjoys working on his planes in his basement so how do we make things work? I have activities that I enjoy and can spend my time working on them while also being in the basement with Jay. After our first date he bought a second padded stool for his basement so that I would have a place to sit when I was down there with him. That stool has received a LOT of use! It’s very nice and comforting to just be in each others company even if there isn’t any talking going on.
Don’t take each other for granted, either. If he opens the door for you be sure to say thank you. If she gets your favorite snack while she’s at the store make sure that you let her know what it means to you to have her remember stuff like that. Let him know that you appreciate it when he does something for you. Don’t ever expect that just because they love you means that they should automatically do it. I love Jay, but if he started to just assume that I was going to make dinner every night because he deserved it then we would have to have a conversation.
One more thing that people should keep in mind. When we were younger we learned the rhyme, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” We all know that was a HUGE lie that we bought into. Why? Because our parents didn’t want us to be constantly whining and crying about what some person said about us. It was to help us thicken our skin. One other thing that my mom taught me was that you have to be careful about what you say at all times. Once you have said something you can’t take it back, and though the other person may forgive you they won’t ever forget. So never say anything that you don’t mean. Even when they were at their angriest with each other I never heard my parents say that they hated the other one. Why? Because it wasn’t true, and you can’t take it back. Think about it. How many times has somebody very close to you said something mean and you can still hear them saying it? It still hurts, doesn’t it? That’s why you should never try to hurt the one you love by saying mean and untrue things. You do, however, want them to know exactly how you feel. That’s why you should take many opportunities to tell them how much you love them. If something were to happen to you today, would your loved ones know how you really felt? As Garth Brooks sang, “If tomorrow never comes will she know how much I love her? Did I try in every way to tell her every day that she’s my only one?” You don’t have to exhaust yourself every day telling everybody that you love them. It’s the little things. When you talk to your mom make sure to tell her that you love her before you hang up the phone. Send your boyfriend a text that just says, “I love you”. Little things like that will last much longer than any bouquet of roses or box of chocolates.